| meds |
[Dec. 14th, 2009|04:48 pm] |
i was alone, falling free,
trying my best not to forget
what happened to us,
what happened to me,
what happened as i let it slip.
i was confused by the powers that be,
forgetting names and faces.
passersby were looking at me
as if they could erase it
baby did you forget to take your meds?
baby did you forget to take your meds?
i was alone,
staring over the ledge,
trying my best not to forget
all manner of joy
all manner of glee
and our one heroic pledge
how it mattered to us,
how it mattered to me,
and the consequences
i was confused,
by the birds and the bees
forgetting if i meant it
baby did you forget to take your meds?
baby did you forget to take your meds?
baby did you forget to take your meds?
baby did you forget to take your meds?
and the sex and the drugs and the complications
and the sex and the drugs and the complications
and the sex and the drugs and the complications
and the sex and the drugs and the complications
baby did you forget to take your meds?
baby did you forget to take your meds?
baby did you forget to take your meds?
baby did you forget to take your meds?
baby did you forget to take your meds?
baby did you forget to take your meds?
i was alone,
falling free,
trying my best not to forget
my doctor put me on cymbalta. so far, it has messed with my moods more than i'd care for it to, but one of the side effects is just that...moods worsen before getting better. isn't that great?
i am hopeful that it rights the wrongs within my body and brain...i just want to stop feeling this empty, dull ache in my chest everyday. waking up is easier, i have solo with me as well and he has turned into my dog. i am lucky to wake up with solo on one side, resting his big mug on my shoulder, letting me plant as many kisses as i like on his nose (which he never let anyone do before). oliver wriggling over solo and i trying to get in on the morning snuggles and kisses and then it's out the door to the dog park.
i spend most of my time alone. inside my head. trying not to let that happen much anymore. i'm here for the long haul so i want to try to get integrated into the city more. learn what there is here for me rather than what i am missing back in toronto.
there isn't one day that goes by that i don't mourn the loss of my life there.
i wake up crying most mornings. the length of time spent crying is getting shorter and shorter, but it is still the same each time. it's a long, tearing sob that comes from deep within me. i am short of breath, feel exhausted and just emotionally, mentally and physically drained.
the food that i eat is lacking in taste.
nothing is beautiful to me any longer. i used to be able to see beauty in the ugliest of places, not anymore.
i smile, i laugh and act normally, but none of that reaches my heart.
i worry that i am never going to trust anyone again.
the last two years of my life have taken so much from me.
need to find a way to pick up the pieces and put myself back together. life cannot continue this way.
it is enough. |
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